Questions and Answers.

So I offered my lovely Instagram mamas the chance to ask me anything and here is what they came up with...

@georgiaxoox asked...

1. Would you like anymore children and if so when?

No I'm more than happy with my 2 girls! I think 2 is the perfect number when it comes to children. It's weird to think that at 23 years old my baby making days are over but I'm happy :-)

2. If you could change 1 thing in your life what would it be?

I'd like to be more self confident - I'm very insecure and super paranoid and I'd like to get over that as a lot of the time it turns me into a crazy person!

3. If you could relive one day over again what would it be and why?

When I was 9 I lost my cousin to leukaemia and a few days before he died I had the chance to go and see him but didn't as I was scared of seeing him so ill. Little did I know that would actually be my last chance so I would give anything to relive that day and see him one last time.

@mummyelliemayandbump asked...

Were both the girls planned?

I'm not going to lie Poppy was a complete accident, my relationship with her dad was very volatile and was never going to last but abortion was never an option for me and we carried on and actually made it to the birth but split when she was 6 weeks old. Ruby was planned, however we didn't expect to get pregnant as quickly as we did! 

@bexiclepop88 asked...

Is there any meaning behind Poppy and Ruby's names? Or did you just like them? And did you find it hard choosing names?

There's no meaning behind either of them, just picked them purely because we like them! Poppy was going to be called Lily right up until she was born and then I changed my mind and picked Poppy instead! Ruby wasn't named until she was about 2 hours old as we just couldn't decide! Really struggled both times to choose names, especially boys names but obviously that didn't matter in the end!

@daniellebirch asked...

Why are you such a babe?

Haha I just can't help it! :P 

How did you and Dave meet/ get together?

We met at work and became best friends in 2009. Dave's partner of 11 years left him around the same time I was going through my split from Poppy's dad and we were each others rock. We fell in love and officially became a couple on February 13th 2011!

Who does Poppy get her hair from?

Her dad! Although believe it or not I was blond and curly as a toddler too!

@samelieandme asked...

If there was a zombie apocalypse what would be your weapon of choice?

Samurai sword like that crazy ass bitch on The Walking Dead!

A new arrival.

Completely neglected my blog recently but I've been a little busy! On May the 2nd at 4.24am we welcomed into the world a new 7lbs 14oz baby girl! Her name is Ruby Jane Burns and she is absolutely perfect!

                                   

Here I am at 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant...

                        

On Wednesday May the 1st, at 41 weeks exactly I was admitted to hospital for induction, completely fed up and absolutely petrified after being told to expect another 9lbs+ baby! I had being contracting all day but nothing regular or strong enough to be in labour, and was examined at 1-2cm which i had been the previous Friday at a consultant appointment, so at 10pm I had the pessary put in and was put on the monitor. Not a great deal happened other than me trying and failing miserably to get some sleep! However I woke up at 3am with some pretty strong pains and a feeling like I needed to poo! I laid in bed for a while to see it would pass and eventually got up at around 3.45am and went to the toilet. I couldn't 'go' but the pessary came out and into the toilet so I went to find the midwife to ask for another one. I told her how I was feeling and when she examined me I was 4-5cm and she said the baby was really really low and that was why I felt like I needed the toilet. I didn't need another pessary and they arranged for me to move straight down to delivery suite. I called Dave at 4.07am and told him that I was being moved onto labour ward and he could come back in, and then called my mum but had to cut her off as the contractions were getting stronger and longer by the second. 

I was helped down to labour ward by one of the midwives and a ward assistant but had to keep stopping as the contractions were too strong. I was lent up against the wall and all of a sudden needed to push! The midwife dragged me down the corridor begging me not to push out in the corridor, got me onto the ward and into the room and I literally jumped onto the bed stripped off and pushed straight away! Everything was a complete blur but I can remember clinging onto the ward assistants hand and shouting that I couldn't give birth because Dave wasn't here! But there wasn't any time to wait I could feel my body telling me to push so I just did it and can remember hearing the midwife say 'head out at 22 minutes past' and it just hit me that I was actually giving birth without Dave or anybody I actually knew there with me! It was petrifying but I knew I just had to carry on and at 4.24 my beautiful little girl was born, covering me in poo on her way! They put her on my chest and covered her with a towel and as I was so in shock I didn't even think to ask the sex! The midwife said she wasn't sure so I lifted up the towel and found out for myself! As Dave still hadn't arrived they asked if I wanted to cut the cord myself, so I did. When Dave finally arrived at about 4.40 he walked in and didn't even notice her laid on me, and was naturally devastated when he found out that he'd missed it but there wasn't anything we could have done about it! She might have kept us waiting for 41 weeks but once she finally decided to come she wasn't hanging around! 

It was very surreal laying on the bed holding her after, everything had happened so quickly I couldn't actually believe that it was all over and done with! You couldn't get any further away from how Poppy's birth was which was a relief! I was up walking around and showered an hour after birth and moved straight back up to the ward. I was trying to breast feed but struggling so they kept me in for some support and we went home on the Friday dinner time. Our first night at home was horrendous, Ruby was constantly feeding all night but not getting anything and I was like a zombie so made the decision to switch to bottle feeding and she soon settled into a brilliant routine and is doing perfectly fine. Poppy is loving being a big sister and coping really well with all the changes that have happened. I'm perfectly content with my beautiful little family! 

                   

                            

                           

               

   

Potty Training Part 2

Sorry I never posted an update on how Poppy was getting on with her potty training, have been so busy this last month and had various bouts of illness between us!
Basically we're now completely dry during the day and only wearing nappies for bed!
It wasn't easy to start off with, and after the first 2 days I was completely ready to just pack it in and wait a little longer! However I persevered and all the hard work paid off on day 3 when she didn't have a single accident. She even surprised me by doing a poo on the potty on day 1! She's always struggled with her number 2's and I thought we would struggle to get her to go on the potty but she's much more regular now, so it's obviously a lot more comfortable to sit on the potty and do it than it was to do it in her nappy!
At first we were still putting nappies on her if we went out as although she was using the potty at home she wasn't actually telling us when she needed to go, it was more a case of us just trying her on it ever half hour or so. Eventually we noticed though that when we were getting home she would go on the potty straight away and the nappy would be bone dry so she was obviously able to actually control her bladder. After a shopping trip to Morrisons where she had been wearing a nappy she got in the car and said she needed to wee. I told her that we were nearly home but if she really needed to go she had a nappy on so could go in that. She was clearly in some discomfort but refused to pee in her nappy and instead managed to hold on until we were home and go on the potty!
So since then we've stopped the nappies whilst out and are yet to have an accident! The only downside at the moment is that she downright refuses to use the toilet and will only go on the potty! This is all well and good at home as it means we don't have to traipse up and down the stairs all the time but it also means wherever we go, the potty does too! I know she probably will use the toilet eventually but she has done so well so far I don't want to push her too much and upset her in case she just regresses.
When she has a nap she still wears a nappy, even though 9 times out of 10 they are bone dry when she wakes, I think I'm just a little scared of letting her sleep without one just yet, and we're still a long way off being dry at night, but I am so pleased with how well she has done and so proud of her! I'm also proud of myself for actually persevering and not giving up when I was sat crying because she'd peed on the settee for 5th time! It's all paid off and now I've got what I was hoping for - Pops out of nappies before baby number 2 comes along!

Potty Training!

Tomorrow we are starting potty training! Pops is almost 2 and a half and although I'm not 100% sure she's ready I really want to try and get her trained before baby number 2 arrives.
So I'm taking the plunge and when she gets up tomorrow morning we will take her nappy off and choose some 'big girl' pants for her to wear, and see what happens! I've made her a chart and bought her some cute fairy stickers and will give her one for every wee or poo she does in the potty - if she can get 20 stickers by Sunday I've promised her a my little pony Pinkie Pie toy!
Hopefully with a little patience we can crack it but if not we'll wait until the summer and try again - will report back soon!

Here comes the bride...

Well we've done it! Officially booked our wedding! I am officially a bride to be! On the 6th of September 2014 I will be marrying the love of my life. I'm so excited, and scared!!
We will be getting married at 4.30pm and then having an evening reception, skipping the whole afternoon sit down meal blah blah blah (and saving us £2500!!).
I don't even know where to start with regards to planning everything now it's actually booked! I think we're going to spend the rest of this year saving up (and losing baby weight!) and then once Christmas is out of the way we will start booking and ordering things!
We want to try and pay for most of it ourselves and will be asking family to contribute a little rather than buying us wedding presents seeing as though we already have a fully furnished home, and would like to save up so we can have a honeymoon after with the kids.
Pops will of course be a beautiful little bridesmaid as she will be 4 by the time it comes around (scary!!) and the baby kicking away in my tummy right now will be a little flower girl or page boy!
Dress wise I don't want anything fancy, no gypsy wedding style meringue just something nice and simple but stunning at the same time. Have no idea on colour schemes at all - I like the sort of pale green colours you see but not sure if that will fit in with the time of year. Bridesmaid wise I'm not sure whether to just have Poppy or whether to have older bridesmaids too - I only really have one friend that I would consider close enough to ask!
One thing I am sure of is that I want a vintage VW camper van as my wedding car! My dad absolutely loves them and after seeing one at a wedding fair I've had my heart set on it!
Other than that I've got a hell of a lot of things to be thinking about, but a good while to decide and I will no doubt change my mind several times and back again in the next few months!

This is the venue - it's a local golf club with a gothic clubhouse! Absolutely gorgeous and is in the middle of nowhere. Has a long driveway up through the golf course lined with trees on either side. It's really pretty and will be brilliant for photographs - especially with the date still being late summer!

A blog about breast feeding.

Today I had a midwife come out to see me to discuss breast feeding. I tried to breast feed Poppy at first but I really struggled and gave up on our first night at home when she just would not settle. I didn't get much support whilst trying on the ward after delivery and I never got skin to skin straight after her being born, in fact I was one of the last ones to actually hold her! She wouldn't latch on properly and even when she did she was just not getting enough and was constantly on the breast without actually getting anything. The first night we were home I had been sat up 3 hours trying to settle her on the breast with no success so I ended up giving her a bottle of formula and she slept for 6 hours and then that was that for me!
The experience I had with Poppy put me off even wanting to try it with this baby at first but the more I think about it the more I want to do it and actually succeed this time. I know breast feeding isn't for everyone and I'm not one of these people who would preach about breast being best and all that - it is purely personal choice and if someone would rather formula feed their baby then who am I to say that's wrong? I've done it myself after all! I really do hope to be successful this time, even if I just manage to do it for a couple of weeks, but if I'm not comfortable with it then it won't be the end of the world if I have to give up again.
One of the things that worries me the most is that I'm going to constantly have baby on my breast and Poppy will start to feel left out, so if I feel we're heading down this route I will definitely stop as that is the last thing I want.
After seeing the midwife and seeing the amount of support available if I want it has really reassured me to try again, but as I have said, I will not be too worried if I don't manage to do it, as Poppy was formula fed from 3 days old and is the brightest, cleverest 2 year old you could meet and has never been poorly other than when she's been teething!

Getting ready for baby...

Today we finished Poppy's bedroom that she will soon be sharing with her baby brother or sister! I am so pleased with it, it's stunning! We decided to go with the Olive and Henri range from Babies R Us and managed to get Poppy some very similar bedding from Asda Living! They are a brilliant match and look great together. We went for 3 magnolia walls with a feature wall painted in 'chocolate milkshake' brown. I also managed to get some bunting to match from Asda and have ordered some wooden letters so Poppy can have her name above her bed and once baby comes his/her name will go above the cot. Me, Dave and my mum have worked our backsides off the last 2 days to get it all done and it was worth every second of hard work when we saw Poppy's face when she came home from her daddy's. She was completely in love with it and couldn't wait to get in her 'owl bed'! So happy it's all come together now just cannot wait for our little addition to arrive and make it complete!

Sorry you're not invited!

Although we still haven't decided on a date I'm starting to look at a few ideas and prices for weddings, and the thing I'm struggling with the most is how do you decide who to actually invite!
Personally, I'm all for me and Dave just going to the town hall with our parents and siblings, but Dave isn't so keen on the idea, unfortunately.
I just don't want the whole thing to turn into a big affair with loads of people who I don't even know! The only other family I would invite would probably my grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins from my mum's side, as I don't really have much to do with my dad's side. That's all well and good as all in all my mum's side equates to 12 people! Dave's family, however, is huge.
Then if they all get invited, I'd feel obliged to invite my dad's side too, to even things out a bit. So my dad has 5 sisters and a brother, all of which have at least 2 kids each, and then even some of them have kids too - you do the maths!
This all adds up to one huge wedding that I don't want!! So how do you decide who gets an invite for the whole day, and who just gets to come to the reception?
All I know is it's giving me one hell of a headache and we haven't even set the date yet!

A blog about birth.

I've just watched last night's episode of One Born Every Minute and its really got me thinking about birth, my last one and the impending one! I was so laid back all the way through my pregnancy with Poppy, never once worried about giving birth and would simply take it as it came. This time however, it's safe to say I am absolutely shitting my pants!!

My labour with Poppy began in the early hours of the morning on Wednesday September 1st. I was 11 days overdue and so relieved that it would all soon be over, as I hated pregnancy and was beyond fed up! I was worried I wouldn't know what contractions felt like but as soon as it started I just knew. All the pain was in my back rather than my tummy but I knew this had to be it! I rang my Mum and she came straight round, Poppy's dad had just gotten in from his night shift so he went off to bed to get some sleep in before it all kicked off. Me and my Mum spent the day stripping the paint off my bathroom walls! She told me to keep active to keep my mind off it and keep things moving along. By tea time the pains were becoming quicker and more painful so Mum rang the hospital and off we went. When we got there they put the monitors on blah blah blah and examined me, I was 2cm! 2 measly cm! I was so disappointed! They said they'd keep me in overnight and gave me diamorphine to help me sleep.
The following morning (Thursday) they came to examine me again, I was still 2cm! They said I could stay in hospital and move onto the ward, or go home. I decided to go home and was so disheartened to be going home without a baby after nearly 30 hours of labour! I spent all that day cleaning the house and bouncing on my ball trying to get things moving! My contractions were the same but never seemed to get any worse. I had managed a couple of hours sleep at the hospital but other than that I was exhausted.
Thursday tea time came around and contractions seemed to be picking up pace so again we phoned the hospital and went in. I was examined again and was a whole 3cm! I'd only managed another bloody cm in the time I'd been at home scrubbing my house to within an inch of it's life! I was so peed off! They again gave me the option of staying put or going home and so yet again we were off back home with no baby. I was told however that baby was back to back, which no one had mentioned before, but explained why things were progressing so slowly. So I went home and did yet more cleaning and bouncing. By 11 that night the pain was excruciating, it felt like someone was stabbing my in the bottom of my spine over and over again. I was laid on the bed just shivering and kept throwing up. My Mum was worried so phoned the hospital and we set off again.
We arrived at the hospital and it was the same midwife as the very first time we went in, she took one look at me and said she wouldn't let me leave again until my baby was here! Once more I got on the bed to be examined and held my breath, hoping that I'd finally be on my way. The midwife looked at me and said she was really sorry but I was still only 3cm! I was so fed up and frustrated I just broke down into tears! She felt so sorry for me and said that if she could she would break my waters for me and that should move things along. She asked me if I wanted to have an epidural and I did, even if it was just so I could get a couple of hours sleep! So she broke my waters, I had the epidural and then slept for about 2 and a half hours. I was awoken by an excruciating pain in my back and the midwife told me that my epidural had come out! Luckily the anaesthetist was still of the ward and came to put another in, but in those 30 minutes it took to prepare and get it in all I did was throw up! By the time the midwife examined me I was 9cm! Finally I was nearly there!
I began pushing at 8.30am and the midwife said I could push for an hour, but if nothing happened they would get a doctor in to discuss my options. So I pushed and pushed but nothing happened. The doctor came to see me and said that she wanted to try a forceps delivery. I was petrified, all along I had said that no matter what I didn't want forceps and begged for a section instead! She said they would take me to theatre and if the forceps didn't work I would have a section.
I was so scared I didn't know what to expect. I was shaking as they wheeled me down the corridor to theatre. They put my legs up in the stirrups and I saw the forceps! They looked huge! I couldn't believe they were going to put them inside me! One of the midwives had to tell me when to push as I couldn't feel any contractions because of the epidural, but 2 pushes later with a little help from the doctor with the forceps and Poppy was finally born at 10.42am Friday September 3rd! 13 days late and after 56 hours of labour! I was so relieved that my baby was finally out I didn't even think to ask what sex she was! They took her away to check her out and I suddenly heard someone say she and I was so shocked that I had a girl as we had all been convinced it would be a boy!
I tore quite badly and had to have stitches so we were in theatre for a while once she was born but all I could do was stare at her! I ended up having to have a blood transfusion as I lost that much blood but as long as my baby was ok I didn't mind.
All in all I can't remember all that much about my birth but it left me quite traumatised afterwards and when my new midwife went through my notes she said she wanted me to see a consultant this time around so we could try and stop it from happening again. Ideally I would like a nice straightforward birth, in and out in the same day but I know that's not likely after my previous experience. I am petrified and don't want to have to go through what I went through last time but ultimately as long as me and baby are ok at the end of it all that is all that matters.

A little about me...

Hi I'm Emily and welcome to my blog. I will be ranting, rambling, venting and generally talking rubbish! I may not be interesting, and people may not be interested but this is my one place where I can speak my mind and let my feelings out! So here's a little about me to fill you in...

I'm 22 years old, born on April 17th 1990 in a small town* in Yorkshire called Rotherham.
I am engaged to David, the love of my life. We took the bumpy road to be together and maybe one day I'll share that story but for now we'll leave it at that. Hopefully we will be getting married sometime in the next 18 months but we don't have any plans right this minute.

I have my wonderful daughter Poppy, born on September 3rd 2010 from my previous relationship. She is an absolute little star and I honestly don't think I would still be here today if it wasn't for her. I won't go into the ins and outs of my relationship with her father but it simply didn't work out, however we are on good terms and she spends two nights a week with him, and will do until she decides otherwise. Dave has been with us since she was 5 months old and is brilliant with her, but as long as she wants to see her real dad I will never deny that to either of them.

I am also currently pregnant with my second child due April 24th 2013! It's exciting, nerve wracking and petrifying all at the same time but I can't wait for him/her to be here and make my family complete. We decided not to find out the sex at our 20 week scan so are playing the guessing game, with the popular choice being that it is a little boy! Personally I want another girl but obviously all that matters is that they are healthy and boy or girl they are loved all the same!

If you made it to the end then thank you!



*shithole.