Today I had a midwife come out to see me to discuss breast feeding. I tried to breast feed Poppy at first but I really struggled and gave up on our first night at home when she just would not settle. I didn't get much support whilst trying on the ward after delivery and I never got skin to skin straight after her being born, in fact I was one of the last ones to actually hold her! She wouldn't latch on properly and even when she did she was just not getting enough and was constantly on the breast without actually getting anything. The first night we were home I had been sat up 3 hours trying to settle her on the breast with no success so I ended up giving her a bottle of formula and she slept for 6 hours and then that was that for me!
The experience I had with Poppy put me off even wanting to try it with this baby at first but the more I think about it the more I want to do it and actually succeed this time. I know breast feeding isn't for everyone and I'm not one of these people who would preach about breast being best and all that - it is purely personal choice and if someone would rather formula feed their baby then who am I to say that's wrong? I've done it myself after all! I really do hope to be successful this time, even if I just manage to do it for a couple of weeks, but if I'm not comfortable with it then it won't be the end of the world if I have to give up again.
One of the things that worries me the most is that I'm going to constantly have baby on my breast and Poppy will start to feel left out, so if I feel we're heading down this route I will definitely stop as that is the last thing I want.
After seeing the midwife and seeing the amount of support available if I want it has really reassured me to try again, but as I have said, I will not be too worried if I don't manage to do it, as Poppy was formula fed from 3 days old and is the brightest, cleverest 2 year old you could meet and has never been poorly other than when she's been teething!
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